The First Steps Toward Creating a Life You Love

By Joanna Huliin

“My goal is to build a life I don’t need a vacation from.” ~Rob Hill Sr.

The other day I had an interesting conversation with a friend, who asked me the question “Who is the happiest person you know?”

Ask yourself this question now. It’s difficult to answer, isn’t it?

There are certainly people around me who seem to be happy, but the happiest person I know? I couldn’t easily come up with an answer.

The conversation with my friend proceeded with him saying, “You seem happy, but it’s so easy for you; you live in Cornwall by the sea, you work for yourself, and you have all the freedom in the world because you’re single.”

It made me smile to think about how people perceive others’ lives. If you ask the next person they might say the absolute opposite: “It must be hard for you living so far away from anything, starting a heart-centered business from scratch with nothing. You must be so lonely being single and doing it all on your own.”

And the truth is, all the above is true. I feel each and every variation of the above on occasions because I’m human! I think and dream just like a regular employed person, I love just like a married person, and feel and breathe just like a city dweller. We are all the same.

But the conversation made me reflect on my own happiness. What does it mean to be happy? I feel the happiest I’ve ever been right now, whether I look at my life with glass-half-full or half-empty eyes. I asked myself why, and the only answer I could think of is, right now I feel authentic.

I wake up each morning and my work feels like a joyful adventure, so I don’t have to drag myself through days, questioning the point of what I’m doing.

Feeling complete deep down for the first time in my life soothes the loneliness of not being in a loving partnership right now, and walking the beach with my dog every morning watching the sunrise, instead of being on a packed London commuter train, makes my heart burst with happiness.

This isn’t a recipe for happiness in any shape or form. These are just my things. My choices leading to the life I am creating for myself, from a place of authenticity.

I have started to understand and accept that my life is up to me—my choices, my creation. The life I am living right now resulted from the choices I made before now, and yet they are no longer important; only the choices I make right now are. Right now I am free from the past but have a choice in creating my future.

So often we look outward and feel trapped by things that aren’t real. For me it was my past, my CV, other people’s perceptions, my own fears, and those pesky little shoulds, from myself and others. Or we think that we’re slaves to the choices we made in the past. But the beauty of life is you always have a choice.

I understand that some things in life we literally can’t change—maybe you’re a parent or caregiver or have other responsibilities that limit you—but you still have a choice.

You can choose to resist and focus on the negative, the struggle, or you can choose to see differently, create opportunities for change, and ask for help. No matter what your life looks like right now, you can still create a life you love.

I believe that everyone can dig deep to find out what feels right for them, be honest with themselves and others, and align their life with that place of authenticity.

Perhaps you’re wondering, how an earth do I go about creating an authentic life? Where do I start? Well, this is obviously vastly different for everyone, but my advice would be to just start somewhere, and what better place than where you are right now?

By that, I mean start by looking within.

A simple daily meditation practice has changed my life, and I truly believe it can help anyone.

Meditation, for me, is about carving out a few moments each day to sit quietly, breathe, connect with myself, and recognize my part to play in a bigger whole.

Even if it’s just a few moments after I wake up or before I hop into bed at night, this is time free from distraction, free from the roles and responsibilities I identify myself with, free from the complications in life that I might identify as stress. It’s time for just me, to connect with myself and my truth.

Creating a life you love is really about aligning your life with your own core values—those things that are most important to you personally. Regular meditation will help you discover what those are.

It might also help to think about the activities you loved doing as a child and find some time to do one of those things one day soon. Express yourself and be creative—journal, draw, sing. Join an activity group, take a class, volunteer, be of service. Move your body with exercise or yoga.

The point is to listen to yourself and take action on what you discover. Connect with how you really feel and use that as your guide when making choices so you can create a life you truly love.

If you do this, you may eventually realize, as I did, that it doesn’t matter one teeny, tiny bit who the happiest person you know is; all that matters is that you’re happy with yourself and the life you’re living

How to Be Like a Tree: Still, Strong, and Uniquely Beautiful

By Meredith Walters

I was hugging trees long before it was cool.

Recent research suggests that spending time in nature can reduce your blood pressure, heart rate, and stress level, not to mention cut down your risk of type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and premature death.

But when I began hugging trees, it was an undeniably weird thing to do.

I risked the odd looks of strangers, however, because trees felt so calm and welcoming to me. When I wrapped my arms around their broad trunks, it felt like I was being gathered into the protective embrace of a beloved elder, as if their steadfastness imparted strength, and their rootedness helped me find my own solid ground.

Recently, however, I’ve realized that their benefits extend far beyond momentary stress relief; it’s from trees that I’ve learned the most powerful lessons about how to deal with chronic depression and anxiety.

Here are the biggest and most unexpected things I’ve learned so far from trees:

1. When in doubt, don’t do.

Every time I hug a tree, I’m struck by how still it is. There’s a silence, a spaciousness, and a total lack of movement that boggles my mind.

I mean, it can’t be easy to be a tree. If you’re not getting enough sunlight, you can’t just pick up and walk a few steps to the right. If some animal builds its home too close to your roots, you can’t do anything to move it.

I, on the other hand, respond to any perceived threat by jumping into action. That’s the nature of my anxiety; when I’m afraid, I want to do something—anything.

But because I’m not acting out of clarity or wisdom, and because listening to fear makes the fear grow stronger, almost every action I take just makes things worse.

Like the time when I was anxious about leaving my therapist because I was about to move back to Atlanta after fifteen years away. Jumping into action, I decided to go off my anti-depressant medication before I left so I would have her help, but I did it at a time when I was also changing careers, starting a business, and getting ready to move cross-country. Needless to say, it made a difficult time even harder for me.

When I don’t get the results that I want, I feel even more out of control, my anxiety grows—along with my compulsion to act—and the negative cycle reinforces itself.

Trees show me how to break this cycle by demonstrating the value of not doing.

When I’m smart enough to imitate a tree, I get still. I feel. I listen.

When I do this for long enough, one of three things happens: Either the problem resolves itself, or a wise response becomes clear to me, or I realize that it wasn’t really a problem in the first place.

2. Support all of life.

I’m often awed by how much trees give to the creatures around them, from the moss that grows on their bark, to the birds and squirrels they feed and shelter, to the humans who breathe their oxygen and enjoy their shade.

When I’m depressed and anxious, I usually feel both overwhelmed by my own misery and guilty that I don’t have the resources to give more to others.

It’s another negative cycle whereby my misery makes me unable to focus on anything or anybody else, which causes me to feel horribly self-centered, which makes me feel even more wretched and less able to give. What makes things even worse is that supporting others is one of the few things I’ve found that reliably helps me feel better.

The effortless generosity of trees offers a way out.

When trees have something to give, they share it with everyone, no matter how small or undeserving. But they don’t beat themselves up for not having acorns in the spring, or leaves in the winter. They simply extend whatever’s there to extend.

Sometimes all I have to give is an apology for not being more considerate. Other times it’s a smile, or appreciation for someone’s support. Over time, if I give what I have, I have more to give, but the key is never to believe that it should be more than it is.

That way, I can support all life, including my own.

3. Don’t be afraid to get big.

I’ve never been one to take up too much space.

I’m talking physically: I’m over six feet tall and always felt awkward jutting up above most of the people around me, so I subconsciously slouched and made myself smaller.

But I’m talking emotionally and relationally as well: I never used to like to call attention to myself, ask for what I needed, or speak up about my opinions. I went out of my way not to negatively impact anybody else, even if that meant sacrificing my own happiness or well-being.

After years of always making other people’s needs and opinions more important than my own, it was hard not to feel depressed, helpless, and hopeless. By that point, however, making myself small wasn’t so much a choice as a well-ingrained habit.

When I began to hang out with trees more, I started to notice how unapologetic they are about the space that they take up. They don’t worry that growing tall will cause somebody else to feel inadequate, or that stretching their limbs out wider will mean they’re taking up too much room. They just are who they are. When I stood next to them, I could feel their expansiveness begin to bloom in my own chest.

Acting on this newfound sensation, I gave myself permission to get big. When I needed something, I asked for it. When I had an idea, I shared it. When I wanted something, I moved toward it. Not worrying about how others might perceive me, I stood tall and enjoyed the unique view.

The best part is, after a long time of feeling powerless over anxiety and depression, I finally saw that I was bigger than either of them.

4. Being crooked is beautiful.

I’ve made plenty of wrong turns in my life.

I used to feel ashamed that I had ten jobs over ten years before finally finding one that felt like a fit. Or that I had so many failed relationships before getting married nearly a decade after most of my friends. Or that fear made me wait twenty-five years to write a second novel when I knew after finishing my first at age twelve that I was born, in part, to write.

Most of us (including myself) tend to think that the straight path is the best one. We beat up on ourselves for our false starts and slow progress.

But have you ever noticed how beautiful trees are? And how crooked?

I’ve come to believe that it’s precisely because of their odd angles and unexpected curves that trees appear so graceful. A tree made of straight lines would hold no appeal.

Looking back, I can see that every job I had taught me more about what I wanted and brought me one step closer to work that I loved. Every relationship prepared me in some small way to be with the man I would eventually marry. And every time I negated my desire to write, that desire grew stronger, and I had more material to work with once I finally was ready to say yes to the call.

We can’t undo our wrong turns, but we can appreciate their gnarled beauty.

5. It doesn’t matter who you are.

When I was younger, I thought that it was what I did that made me worthy. I pushed myself hard to do well in school, excel in sports, and achieve as much as I could.

Eventually that strategy led to an unsavory mix of perfectionism, anxiety, and depression. Desperate, I got help from others and re-evaluated my beliefs. I soon concluded that it wasn’t what I did but who I was that mattered.

At first this new belief seemed helpful, but eventually it brought its own set of anxieties. I was trying my hardest, but was I really calm enough? Or kind enough? Or wise enough?

Then one day when I was hugging a tree, I tapped into a truth that made such questions irrelevant.

I’d just gotten curious about what a tree’s energy felt like. Opening up to it, I was immediately flooded by a sense of expansive serenity. Peaceful as it was, it was also vibrant and strong. Welcoming and warm, it pulled me in. Suddenly I felt as if I were filled with, made of, and surrounded by sunlight.

The energy was coming from the tree, but I realized that I could feel it because it was stirring something already within me. In other words, the tree and I shared the same true nature. Beneath my body, beneath my personality, and beneath my small identifications, I am this beautiful energy. So are you. So are we all.

Unified in this way with every other living thing in the world, even I have to admit that the idea of being unworthy doesn’t make any sense. It’s not only irrelevant; it’s impossible.

That’s when I realized that the magic lies not in what we do or even who we are, but in what we are, and how often we remember that.

3 Thoughts That Bring Me Hope, Perspective, Peace, and Strength

“Wake up today knowing that whatever happens, you can handle it.” ~Unknown

Tears filled my eyes, and an angry wave of despair washed over me. I just wanted to wear the jeans I had worn for a couple years. The cute ones with the jewels and deep pockets.

I’m guessing many of you can relate; clothes don’t always fit the way we want them to.

Four years ago, a doctor told me I was dying because of anorexia. It’s been a long journey, a story for another day, but I am here and I am alive.

This past year, I finally reached the weight that doctors had been urging me to reach for four years. I dug in, worked with a life coach, and I did it! I finally healed. But wait, shouldn’t the healing process feel great? Shouldn’t I feel proud instead of pudgy?

I should be proud, and I am; yet I still find myself battling with the voice that whispers, “You’re not good enough. You’ll never be enough.” And perhaps that’s what frustrates me the most about my negative attitude some days. Everyone would be proud if they knew why I put on twenty pounds this year, but I am neither eager nor vaguely willing to disclose everything.

It would be convenient if everything were permanently sunshine and roses after we reach a goal, but this is just not the case oftentimes. We reach a goal, and then more challenges arise. That’s okay. That’s life.

In my moments of shame, when I want to crawl under my bed and hide from the world, there are three thoughts that pull me out and help me find hope and perspective. The more I live, the more I am convinced that living fully is a just a matter of perspective. It’s not about taking certain actions or reaching specific results; it’s about experiencing life through an open and positive perspective.

You are a fighter. Whatever you’re going through, may these three thoughts bring you peace and help you find strength.

1. This is temporary.

My mom always told me, “You will not always feel this way.” And she was right. Happiness, sadness, anger—it all passes.

In my own battle with body image and feeling discouraged by my bigger jeans or curvier figure, this thought gives me so much hope. As real as discouraging feelings feel, they are only part of the picture.

At other moments, I could care less about what my jeans look like, much less the number on the tag (which no one sees by the way). I’m too caught up in enjoying the sunshine outside, hiking on the weekends with friends, focusing on my job, and planning lessons for my students.

There are moments when I feel comfortable in my skin, when I feel at peace. These moments give me hope that any temporary feeling, no matter how strong and painful, will pass. That feeling will pass. After-all, after a good workout, or a refreshing night’s sleep, or a good shower, don’t you feel like a new creature?

Everything is temporary. Every hard week at work, every hellish project, or stressful trip to the in-laws, it will pass. You are resilient, and you can ride this wave knowing it will wash on shore to the sandy beach eventually.

2. Expect good things.

This thought has changed my mornings. I wake up and tell myself to expect good things for the day. Maybe this seems like a no-brainer, but it’s a far stretch from how I formerly approached life—expecting the worst and battling with anxiety and fear about going to work or accomplishing everything.

Repeating “Expect good things” to myself has helped me notice the good things in my life.

I think awareness is powerful. If we remind ourselves to “expect good things,” we’re more apt to consciously look for them (for example, the sunshine, the flowers blooming, that stranger who held the door open).

Beyond noticing good things, we more likely to create them when we expect them to happen. The expectation makes us braver, more compassionate, and more love-filled.

If you don’t believe me, try it. I’ve found that it takes a certain pressure off my day when I trust that good things will happen. I feel more space for love, for creativity.

As a teacher, I tell myself to “expect good things” in the classroom. It helps me create more authentic dialogue, to trust that my students will be engaged and have valuable ideas to offer.

Finally, expect a healthy relationship between your mind and body. Maybe you’re asking, how? Sure, you can wish you were a different weight. A different jean size. Naturally hourglass-shaped. Whatever your ideal shape is.

But what if you expected to have a good relationship with your body and an enjoyable life right now, not after you’ve reached a certain size or diet? You get to pick the kind of attitude you cultivate with yourself, much like you cultivate a certain relationship with the people you love.

I can fight myself for gaining weight to be at my body’s natural set point, or I can “expect good things” at this (or any healthy) weight. More love. More adventures. More mental energy to do the things that I truly care about: learning, teaching, laughing, spending time with those I love.

We get to choose. Expect good things.

3. Find something to be excited about every day.

Sometimes, when I’ve been told to focus on gratitude, I feel guilty. Wow, I have an amazing partner, family, job… yet, I feel so ungrateful or unappreciative. When I focus on the things that excite me, however, I feel less guilty and just plain happier.

When I focus on what brings me joy, I’m able to focus less on my body and more on what I value. Again, learning, teaching, experiencing the community I’m in, spending time with the people I love. Memories that will last longer than jeans.

Maybe you’re excited about an upcoming vacation. Maybe you know you can go home and walk your dog. Maybe your children bring you joy. Maybe it’s a beautiful day and you can see the flowers blooming. There’s something that excites you in life. Focus on these things and you’ll likely feel less weighed down by your struggles.

I know that’s been true for me. Though I sometimes fixate on my size, what I really want isn’t to fit into those jeans. I want to feel strong and confident, and to have a perspective that embraces life and shares joy with others.

I don’t know what your story is, but I promise you’re not alone. You can face whatever you’re going through. It doesn’t have to be pretty or perfect. You don’t have to feel like a superhero. In my experience, the healing process is messy. It doesn’t have an uplifting soundtrack like in the movies. But you can do it. I promise. Anchor yourself in hope. You will not always feel this way. Expect good things. And think about what excites you.

Three Friends

This is the true story of three friends

 First one was brilliant, never gave up the first position in his school . Topper in every exam held in School, College and the University.

 Second one  was average, wouldn't fail but pushed to the next class by default.

 Third one was a trickster , a cheat and was an expert manipulator.

But these three were great friends, thick as thieves.

Once their education  was over.....

 The first one, the brilliant guy as expected became an excellent engineer.
He gave Indian Engineering Services exam, was chosen as Class one officer.
He became a Chief Engineer in Indian railways later.

 Second one graduated with Physics major and appeared for Civil Services exam, passed and was appointed as the head of the department (HoD) where his first friend was working at a lower level !!

 Third one didn't bother to study further after school, chose the right party at the right time, fought the elections, won, and became an MP, and later became a cabinet minister and under him were the Departments where two of his school friends were working.

This is not a fictional story.

 First one is E Shridharan .. Metro man.

 Second one is TN Sheshan Chief Election Commissioner.

 Third one is  KP Unnikrishnan who got elected five times as MP for Lok-sabha, and also became a cabinet minister during VP Singh's  tenure as PM.

Three friends - from the same school, the same teachers, but destiny chartered different  paths !!!

(Translated from Original  Malayalam)

MY FATHER IS THE BEST MOTHER

Ganga Das was watering the plants in the posh gardens of an International school, heat and dust didn't seem to affect him.

"Ganga Das, Principal Ma'am wants to see you -- right now"...

The last two words of the peon had lots of emphasis on them, trying to make it sound like an urgency.

He quickly got up, washed and wiped his hands and headed towards the  Principal's chamber.

The walk from the garden to the office seemed never ending, his heart was almost jumping out of his chest.

He was trying all the permutation and combination, figuring out as to what has gone wrong that she wants to see him urgently...

He was a sincere worker and never shirked from his duties...
knock knock...

"Madam, you called me?"
"Come inside..." an authoritative voice made him further nervous...

Salt n pepper hair, tied neatly in a french knot, a designer sari-sober and very classic, glasses resting on the bridge of her nose...
She pointed out towards a paper kept on the table...
"Read this"...

"B..but Ma'am I am an illiterate person.
I can not read English.
Ma'am please forgive me if I have done anything wrong... give me another chance...
I am forever indebted to you for allowing my daughter to study in this school, free of cost... I could have never ever dreamt of such a life for my child.."
And he broke down almost trembling:

"Hold on, you assume a lot...we allowed your daughter because she is very bright and you have been our sincere worker.. Let me call a teacher in, she will read it out and translate it to you... this is written by your daughter and I want you to read this."

Soon enough the teacher was called and she started reading it, translating each line in Hindi...

It read-

"Today we are asked to write about Mother's Day.

I belong to a village in Bihar, a tiny  village where medical and education still seem like a far fetched dream. Many women die every now and then while giving birth. My mother was one of them too, she could not even hold me in her arms. My father was the first person to hold me.. or perhaps the only person.
Everyone was sad.. as I was a girl and I had "eaten up" my own mother.
My dad was instantly asked to remarry but he refused.
My grandparents forced him by giving all logical, illogical and emotional reasons but he didn't budge.

My grand parents wanted a grandson, they threatened him to remarry or else he will be disowned...

He didn't think twice... he left everything, his acres of land.. a good living, comfortable house, cattles and everything that counts for a good lifestyle in a village.

He came to this huge city with absolutely nothing -- but me in his arms. Life was tough, he worked hard day and night.. raised me with tender love and utmost care.

Now I understand why suddenly he developed a dislike for things that I would love to eat when there was only one piece left in the platter.... he would say that he hates eating it and I would finish it considering that he does not like it.... but as I grew older I realised the reason and what sacrifice is all about.

He gave me the best possible comforts  beyond his capacity.

This school gave him a shelter, respect and the biggest gift -- an admission to his daughter...
If love and care  defines a mother... then my father fits in there.
If compassion defines a mother, my father fits in well in that category too...
If sacrifice defines a mother, my father dominates that category.
So in nut shell.. if a mother is made of love, care sacrifice and compassion...
 MY FATHER IS THE BEST MOTHER ON EARTH THEN.

On Mother's Day, I would like to wish my father for being the best parent on earth... I salute him and say it with pride that the hardworking gardener working in this school is my father.
I know I may fail this test after my teacher reads this -- but this would be a very small price one would pay towards an ode to the selfless love of my father.

There was a deafening silence in the room... one could only hear soft sobbing of Ganga Das....
The harsh sun could not wet his clothes with sweat but soft words of his daughter had soaked his chest with tears.... he was standing there with hands folded..

He took the paper from teacher's hands... held it close to his heart and sobbed.

Principal got up.. offered him a chair, glass of water and said something... but, strangely the crispness of her voice was taken over by a surprising warmth and sweetness....

"Ganga Das.. your daughter is given 10/10 marks for this essay... This is the best essay ever written about Mother's Day in the history of this school. We are having the Mother's Day gala event tomorrow and the entire School Management has decided to invite you as the Chief Guest for the event...
This is to honour all the love and sacrifice a man can do to raise his children... to show that you do not have to be a woman to be the perfect parent...

And most importantly this is to reinforce/appreciate/acknowledge the strong belief of your daughter in you, to make her feel proud.. to make the entire school feel proud that we have the best parent on earth as stated by your daughter."

"You are a True Gardner, who is not only looking after the gardens, but also nurturing the most precious flower of your life in such a beautiful way...."

"So Ganga Das, will you be our Chief Guest for the event?

Mission & Vision

Fresh graduates from good management institutes have good understanding about concepts. I had one management trainee in my team. She was good in concept and was vocal about the issues. Once she met one senior person of the management team and asked him the question, “What is our vision and mission?” He replied, “I don’t know the vision and mission of the company, but I am working with this company for last 20 years, and we are making good profit. Company is running for last 75 years and doing well without so called vision and mission. So making profit can be our mission. Your concepts are just jargons. Do we need it?” The person de-motivated my girl by such unprofessional answer. 

She came to me and briefed me about the incident, “How the company can run for 75 years without any concrete vision and mission statement?” She asked me, “The Company is running, but then what’s about the growth? We should know our destination and the way to destination” She asked. 

This is a unique example. There are lot many people in Industries who do not work on vision and mission statement. They say that this is a new fashion came from the consultants. I am not a consultant and still believe on Vision and Mission statement. Especially a leader has to be very careful while discussing the growth of an organization. Vision is the art of seeing things invisible. It shows where we want to be. Every organization and thereby the people working in the organization has the right to know what is the destination of the organization and their career. By giving the vision to the people you motivate them to be more energized. People don’t dislike work; help them to understand mutual objectives and they will drive themselves to unbelievable excellence. You will do this by giving the vision. You show them the larger picture.

Our parents expected from us to be a successful person by being doctor, engineer, or manager. Our expectations from our kids are same. They have shown us the vision. We show the vision to our kids. The same is applicable in the organization. Mission is the purpose. It is what you will be in the competition. If you clearly communicate the vision i.e. “destination” and mission i.e. “being what you will achieve the vision.”

Both are derived from values. In personal life we have values. Values shape and give significance to our lives. They are reflected in the priorities that we choose, the decisions we make and the actions we take. Values describe what the organization is about and give meaning to stake holders. 

Just imagine this all in your personal life. You have your vision of becoming Vice President by 2012. You have your mission statement in place. And you have your values in place. Here you know you have to be Vice-President by 2010. Vision is log term goal and you will decide your short term goals. The same thing is applicable in the organizations. People who decided this all are successful.

One senior person in management team once told me, I never planned my career, still I am on this position.” I replied, “If you had planned your career, you would have different person.” He did not like my statement. But life is not simple. You can not be lucky always. If you are an employee, ask management what is their vision and mission. Asked them what are the values they would like to place before employees. Ask them, what they expect from the employees.

If you would like to make change in your life, make & work on your vision and mission. Work on your values for that. ‘Success is yours'’.

Written & Posted by Unknown .